Is it cooked already?
Is it cooked already?
Life is hard.
We all know that. We all feel that. It might come to each of us in a different way but the feeling, the impact is all the same.
Every time I know that the dark clouds are coming at bay, the little kid in me will get scared. Because the truth is, I’m still a kid. Despite of being at the age of having the right to vote and ruling my life in my own decision, I’m still a kid.
I get giddy when there are surprises. I get passionate in competition. I enjoy finger foods and licking my thumb. I still have my stuffed toys that are by my side at night. I still like drawing with stick in the sand. I still imagine I have powers to save the world or just to make myself believe I can be magical. There are lot of things that say and show I’m still a little girl trying to find her way in the world. The little kid in me is still there.
But there are time she needs to go. Whenever life smacked me with the truth that I now hold responsibilities and is entitled of things I do in my life, the little kid in me slowly creeps away. She slowly hides while bravery tries to cover my cowardly heart. I stand tall and speak mantras in order to uplift my hopes. The little kid in me is scared so she goes. But I am scared too, only I can’t go.
I wonder, why the little kid in me leave when we can face these troubles together. I wonder, why I have to lie to myself that I am this when I’m not. I wonder, why one of us have to go whenever sky lose its light.
This isn’t an excuse but an honest letter.
Weird title, right?
These days I’m really in deep contemplation if should I work or not and it stresses me out. My head is sometimes aching about it. There’s this ideal in my minds but I lack in drive or that willingness to take a dive. In short, I guess, I’m being a coward.
But this tinsy-winsy of plight grow another dilemma to think about. Like, “it’s not my priority right now”. I want to do a lot of things, I want to practice a lot of things and if this idea consume too much of my time how am I going to accomplish, not everything, but most of it?
WHY IS THERE ONLY 24 HOURS IN A DAY?!
Not enough, for me. Not enough.
This happens whenever I overthink. From one seed, a lot of fruits keeps bearing and it’s just too much to handle. It scares me that whenever I overthink, I end up not doing what I planned. So that’s why I’m trying to just GO for it.
Yes, I’m going to think about it but I’m going to control myself to not be swallowed by that one idea. There’s a lot of things the world has to offer and stressing on one thing won’t help me to explore the other things.
Do you certainly know who you are? I mean can you just describe yourself in one word? Then good for you. For me, unfortunately, I’m still working on myself.
I find myself envy of people who already know what they want and who they want to be. Their living a definite life. The thing is this, I don’t know how to describe myself. I’m a lot of things, a bit of this and a bit of that. All I know is that I’m sensitive and moody.
Many tell me I’m moody. At first, I tried to deny it but eventually I accepted the fact that my emotion is not that stable. I’m the “in-the-mood” kind of girl. For instance, on Monday if I’m feeling classic I’ll wear something that’ll make me feel of the 80’s; or after i watched a shoujo anime I’m feeling cutesy and fix my hair like I’m one of those girls. You get it? I’m so adaptable to different things that I don’t even know if I’m really myself.
But you know what you shouldn’t listen to me. I mean who cares if you still don’t know who you are? Just do what you want to do or go for the things you enjoy and then you’ll know yourself. Because that’s what I’m going to do.