I don’t know what’s wrong with me. There are a lot of times an idea strikes and I feel so motivated to finish a book but I’ll end up doing nothing. And I’ll hate myself, all over again.
There are assignments, reports, deadlines, dreams, recreations I have to juggle. I have to if I want to make my life functional. Some says “enjoy life” or “go with the flow” but it doesn’t work for me. I go back thinking, “I should’ve stuck to what I planned” or “my life is so messy”. But still end up not doing anything.
I write stories in a very slow pace because I lose motivation most of the times and I often spend my time searching of tips to get better and figuring out what’s wrong. There’s also not much feedback to keep myself fueled up.
From all the tips I’ve read, there’s always “read a lot”. (Of course, because these two are like a team.)
I loved reading. Yep. There’s a ‘d’. I want to be honest with myself, because I admit nowadays I don’t enjoy it as much as I did back then. I do love books. I love feeling and buying books. But now I noticed that my ‘currently reading” books is piling up. And it doesn’t do any good to me.
So now, I decided to finish a book (for a month or a week) and make sure I write a part for my story or even a blog post every week.
I know it is so easy to say. So I’m going to track it. But still I’m not so sure if I’ll be able to track something. But this is what I want and what I need. And when I want something I should make a step to get there.
Additionally, I’ve read that “if you think you’re a writer then own it” (disclaimer: not the real words from the book). Say that you’re a writer. But in my case, I shouldn’t only say it but DO it.
These days I’m really in deep contemplation if should I work or not and it stresses me out. My head is sometimes aching about it. There’s this ideal in my minds but I lack in drive or that willingness to take a dive. In short, I guess, I’m being a coward.
But this tinsy-winsy of plight grow another dilemma to think about. Like, “it’s not my priority right now”. I want to do a lot of things, I want to practice a lot of things and if this idea consume too much of my time how am I going to accomplish, not everything, but most of it?
WHY IS THERE ONLY 24 HOURS IN A DAY?!
Not enough, for me. Not enough.
This happens whenever I overthink. From one seed, a lot of fruits keeps bearing and it’s just too much to handle. It scares me that whenever I overthink, I end up not doing what I planned. So that’s why I’m trying to just GO for it.
Yes, I’m going to think about it but I’m going to control myself to not be swallowed by that one idea. There’s a lot of things the world has to offer and stressing on one thing won’t help me to explore the other things.